


Hotbox Therapy

by imsorrycantrelate



Category: Homestuck
Genre: College AU, M/M, weed angst self indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsorrycantrelate/pseuds/imsorrycantrelate
Summary: Written for Dirkjohn week day 4: weed or angstCollege AUJohn has to wait for Dirk to hurry up already with the good kush which accidentally leads to them admitting they have feelings.





	Hotbox Therapy

John was sitting in his car, reclined all the way back in the passenger seat, tapping his Convers against the dashboard. He checked the time on his car. He listened to his old, scratch-covered blink-182 CD. He had already gotten through his dad’s old CD’s and Dave’s mixtapes. He wondered what Dave was up to...probably hanging out with Karkat again. 

John sighed. It had only been a couple of days since Dave had told him about Karkat. About what was actually going on. And here John thought they were just two buddies who watched movies together during group projects. Just like John and Dave used to be. John started looking at his phone. It was old and could barely process images. He looked at the old photos of him and Dave. He smiled at first, but then remembered he hadn’t had a chance to rekindle their friendship in...months. Not after all that had happened. John’s breathing got heavy. He held onto his stomach until he was grounded again. 

John got up and looked around. He checked the time again. He hit against his armrest, “Dammit Dirk.” He was waiting for Dave’s brother, the only one who could easily get him some of that good kush without being caught. 

Dirk was walking his way around the campus, trying his hardest to avoid his ex who happened to be John’s cousin. He went the long way just to avoid him but ended up running into him anyway. Dirk had his hood on and scrunched up, with his hands stuffed in his pockets full of weed. Jake, who was wearing a vest and carrying a briefcase, looked at him puzzlingly. “What the dickens? I wasn’t expecting to see you here Dirk. I thought you didn’t have classes right now.” 

Dirk nodded, “Yeah you’re right, I don’t. I’m meeting someone.” 

“Oh, you are? We haven’t talked in so long Dirk why don’t we catch up? I’d only be keeping you for five minutes.” 

Dirk grumbled, “I have places to be.” 

Jake rolled his eyes. “Dirk, I thought we could leave that behind us. It’s been months since you apologized and I already forgave you. It was a high school relationship, Dirk, I would hope it would just be in the past.” 

Dirk grumbled again, “Look, this isn’t the best time Jake.” 

“You never want to talk about it. It’s like you’re not over it!” 

“You’re starting to sound immature Jake, just because you’re not my center of attention doesn’t mean there’s anything else going on about you.” 

“Me? Immature? Are you flexing those irony skills or are you serious?” 

“Jake, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you about this later. I’ll uh, text you.” 

“Sure, you said that last time.” Jake sighed, “Why can’t we just spend time together like we used to before that mess?” Jake had muttered it and Dirk had already started walking away, so Dirk hadn’t heard him. Jake went to his archaeology class. 

John was drawing on his arm, trying to figure out if the tattoos he really wanted he actually wanted. He wasn’t exactly sure where to put his slimer tattoo, or the SBAHJ tattoo that Dave said John had to get after Dave won a drinking contest. Or the wind tattoo he thought just looked cool. Or...the hat tattoo. Yeah, the fedora. John slapped himself again so he would stay grounded. 

He had plans. He was going to get this fucking weed, then finally reply to Dave, Jade, and Rose. That was the plan. They were all going to hang out on Friday when they didn’t have class. That was the plan. John was still not sure if he was going to go with the plan. John got out some of his homework and looked it over. A paragraph in, his mind drifted off thinking about Dave, his dad, what he was even doing here, all the fun stuff, until he realized how long he’d been staring at that piece of paper. He stuffed it back into his backpack. He took out his computer science textbook, but it only ended in the same result. He angrily threw it onto his back seat even though he knew he’d need it later.

Dirk was running to the parking lot, knowing he was extremely late. This wasn’t the first time, but Dirk didn’t want to lose the one person who bought his weed. And the only one who actually paid attention during anime club...sometimes. And also the only guy other than Dave who would listen about his puppetry hobbies. Dirk stopped running and tried to calm down. No, Dirk, he thought to himself, John is only friends with you because he knows Dave. Nothing more. Dirk slowly walked to John’s car as he thought about it, almost running into the other cars as he stared at his feet. 

Dirk wasn’t sure what was taking John so long to tell Dave something was going on. Dirk knew he had promised not to tell Dave that all his recent earnings were coming from John, but every time Dave mentioned John never going out anymore Dirk wanted to bring it up. Every time Dirk had gotten John weed John had gotten high as soon as he could. Dirk wasn’t sure why maybe it was because John wasn’t supposed to get baked in a 10-mile radius of his apartment. Or maybe the dude was desperate. 

Dirk laughed as he remembered when the first thing John had done when he finally gotten high was play Bustin’ on repeat on the highest volume on his phone as he sung to the lyrics. Or when John had gone to the student store and spent all his money on keychains. Or when John hadn’t realized he would get hungry and ended up walking all the way to the convenience store a block away from the school and only buying Ghostbusters gummies and almost throwing up. 

Or the second, or possibly third time John had gotten high, and he had figured it out enough to stay in his car. That’s when John started talking about his movies. A lot. And had gotten touchy-feely. A lot. That was also when John had muttered the line Dirk would never let down, “Man, if I was a girl, I’d find Nicolas Cage and Egon Spengler irresistible.” Dirk laughed and wiped away a tear, then forced himself to frown. He was blushing but trying to forget about it. He wondered when was the last time he had gotten baked. 

He knocked on the door of John’s car. John shot up and unlocked it. Dirk slid in and took out the weed and handed him a blunt, knowing John would want to smoke it immediately, along with a few grams for later. John seemed relieved to see him. “You’ve got cash right?” John handed him a bunch of crumpled up one dollar bills. 

“Dude, that’s not enough.” 

“Sorry, Dirk, that’s all I have.” 

“Wait, that’s it? Like all you have?” 

John, embarrassed, looked away. “Yeah. Rent went up. And I have to be careful how I spend my money. I’ve been trying to get a job and all but I don’t know, I guess I don’t fit any of the requirements. Been busy with school. Shit is hard man.” 

Dirk was going to ask what else had changed for him to lose so much money, but then he remembered about John’s dad. Dirk flicked away John’s dollar bills. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” 

“Keep it. Sorry about, yeah…” Dirk gestured until John understood what he was saying. “You know...that. Are you okay?” 

“Oh. It’s okay Dirk. Thanks, but honestly I’m okay.” 

Dirk let out his breath, “Can I smoke in your car?” 

John nodded, “It smells like weed in here already anyways.” 

Dirk took out his lighter and reclined into the seat. He noticed the music. “Really? Blink-182? Have you listened to my rap album, John?”

“No. I listened to Dave’s though And his mixtapes. Dave does like raves and stuff his stuff is pretty good.” 

“Are you saying mine isn’t?” 

“No, no, hey, I didn’t want you to come in here and hear me blaring you rapping about like...puppets and fucking dudes or whatever.” 

“Is that supposed to be a gay joke, John?” 

“No! No, I meant a lot of your songs are about that dude can you just, just give me some?” John seemed on the verge of tears as he reached out towards the bag.  
Dirk raised his eyebrow. “Sometimes you’re desperate to get high but not this much. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine Dirk! Honestly, I’m fine!” 

Dirk knew he wouldn’t get any answers out of John unless if he fulfilled his promise of weed. “Here, on the house.” He rolled a blunt up and handed it to John, who frustratedly tried to light it, and then made one for himself. Dirk was almost pitiful as he looked at John and took in another hit. He noticed that John hadn’t shaved in awhile. John’s clothes were covered in food stains like they hadn’t been washed in a while. He pushed his knees into his chest and looked away from Dirk as he tried to keep his blunt alight. 

Dirk put his feet on the steering wheel and was wondering if he was caring too much. After all, John was just Dave’s friend. Right? Or was he not caring enough? No, that couldn’t be it. Everything was in control. Dirk was on his way to a puppet and robotics degree with his outstanding C-’s. He didn’t even need to pirate the textbook to get those. John was probably doing just fine. Like him. 

John took a hit and not soon after, leaned over the center console and put his head on Dirk’s chest. Dirk was taken by surprise but couldn’t do anything about it, even though he was curious because he knew John wouldn’t be high yet. After a few minutes Dirk was wondering if John had fallen asleep. After John rolled over mumbling and then snoring, Dirk poked him awake. John fluttered his eyes open. He got off Dirk, “Oh shit, sorry fucking what the fuck was I doing?” John rubbed his face, his glasses still crooked. 

“You uh, you fell asleep.” 

John didn’t seem surprised, “Sorry, didn’t sleep last night.” Dirk nodded, knowing the feeling, “Or the night before that. Or before that. I got a few hours the day before that.” John took another hit. 

“Are you alright?” Dirk asked again. 

After a few minutes of silence and John taking another hit, John giggled, “Of course I am Dirk, why wouldn’t I be?” He yawned. “Not like anything bad has happened in my life recently. I’m good. I’m happy, just like my friends want me to be this Friday. Doing well in my classes just like my father would want me to be. Not failing at all.” The smoke swirled around the car and made their cheeks warm and their spirits lighter.

“It’s okay if you’re feeling upset dude, you don’t have to lie. I hope at least with me you can be honest.” 

“Why would I be honest with you?” 

“Cause I’m fairly sure you’re high by now.” Dirk rubbed his eyes. 

John blinked slowly, “I guess you’re right. Okay, Dirk, what about you? How are you doing?” John leaned onto Dirk’s shoulder. 

“You’re getting more touchy-feely when you're stoned, you know?” 

“What? I am? Sorry. Is it bothering you?” 

“No, it’s good,” Dirk blushed and cursed to himself. 

“Okay, well, I’m going to start off by admitting I haven’t been feeling well.” 

“Oh, no shit.” 

“Secondly, it has more to do than with the obvious grief thing. Even though I do miss him.” His voice squeaked at the end of his sentence. He coughed and pretended that hadn’t happened. “School has been stressful to catch up with, my funds are low, I’ve been ignoring my friends and it feels like I’m only happy when I’m high or when I’m near Dave, Jade, Rose or-” He stopped his train of thought. 

Dirk hugged John’s shoulder. John made sure he was facing away from Dirk so he didn’t catch him blushing. “Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It’s not all going to just magically going to go away, but I’m sure if you have hope things will change.” 

“What about you Dirk?” 

“I ran into my ex on the way here,” Dirk wasn’t sure why he was so quick to admit it.

“Oh, Jake? He’s been wanting to talk to you. Did you talk to him?” 

“Sort of. I wasn’t...planning to have a conversation with him. Not then or later.” 

“Dirk! He wants you guys to be friends again you should at least talk to him.” John looked at him.

“Hey! Dave’s been wanting to talk to you but you never answer. He barely even knows how much we know each other. Last time he saw you was weeks ago!” 

John’s eyes welled up. Dirk cursed under his breath and began to apologize. “No, you’re right Dirk, I haven’t talked to him in ages. I haven’t talked to anyone. All I’ve done is stare at math books and get fucking stoned.” A tear fell from his eye. He sniffed. 

“No, John, I shouldn’t have been like that. You’re in a tough place. You actually have good reasons to feel that way.”

John sniffed and laughed, “Dirk, you don’t need any excuse.” 

“But I really have none. I don’t really have any excuse to treat Jake like that, I guess, he was the only guy who would go out with me and I’m not over the fact that that might be true for a long time,” Dirk had no idea what he was saying before the words spilled from his mouth. “I might be depressed as all fuck but that doesn’t mean I get to be an asshole. If that was true I’d get away with too much.” 

John let a few tears fall and sniffed again. “Dirk, it’s okay. As long as you talk to him some time I’m sure he’ll understand. And don’t worry about your chances.” John held his gut and was blushing again. 

“Why wouldn’t I worry about them? Not like you can relate. I’m sure a stud like you has dated a bunch of girls, and who am I stuck with? No one, cause I already dated your cousin. Even if there are other gay guys here they’re either already dating or think they’re straight. Or just aren’t my type."

John felt butterflies in his stomach. He let out a few more tears. “A stud?” 

“Yeah, you look great. Girls must be dying to date you. You and your fucking hairy legs and messed up hair and,” Dirk was staring at John, a hand holding up his face as he was admiring him. He barely cared about what he was saying. “Adorable buck teeth and smile. Your laugh sounds like music. Sounds better than my rap album.” 

John’s heart was racing. “Dave says anything sounds better than your rap album.” Dirk silently laughed. “You can’t sell yourself short either. You’ve got anything a um, a, a man would be looking for.” John scratched the back of his neck. 

Dirk had to be brutally honest, “Sure. I guess you’re a man, but I don’t think I trust a straight guy’s opinion on anything.”

John was tapping his feet against the floor rapidly. 

“You alright there?” 

John grit down his teeth, started biting his fingernails and tried to steady his breathing. “No, but I’m feeling better.” He wiped away his drying tears. “Thanks for listening to me and I guess complimenting me.” 

“No problem. It’s easy to compliment you,” Dirk was starting how heavy handed he was getting but hope John wouldn’t notice. Because straight guys didn’t notice anything. 

John went in for a hug and Dirk leaned over to hug him. About halfway, John put his hand on Dirk’s face and moved his mouth closer to Dirk’s. Dirk changed accordingly. Their lips touched for a split second. John’s eyes flashed open. His breath cut short, his heart racing to levels he’d never felt it go and feeling every emotion at once. He ran out of the car and shut the door, sitting on the ground with his knees scrunched up against him. 

Dirk barely had time to react. He opened the door but John yelled, “No! I need some alone time! I realize that that’s my car so just, like, stay there for a while. Dirk listened to John and went back to sitting in the front seat. He thought over every time he had done something wrong. What would he even apologize for? He’d almost turned John finally admitting he had a problem into a makeout session. 

John was breathing intensely, letting the tears he had held back earlier fall. He hoped no one was watching. He had felt so many emotions except any sort of disgust. John had hoped, in the back of his mind, that he wouldn’t have liked it. But even farther in his mind, he knew he would. He opened the door again and sat down.  
“I can’t believe you just went along with that,” said John. “I thought one of us would have stopped.” 

“I’m sorry John I don’t know what I was doing. I guess I imagined we were having a moment and I got carried away.” 

“What? You’re making it sound like you kissed me.”

“Didn’t I...oh. Oh.” 

“And I didn’t even hate it.” 

“Oh, that’s some good news glad I’m not disgusting.” 

“No, I mean...I really liked it. Can we do it again?” 

“What? What? What? I thought. I thought…” 

“Me too. Guess we were both wrong. I haven’t felt like that in...forever. Or ever.” 

“So if we go the whole way does that mean you’ll actually go to this ‘Friday’ thing?” 

“If you talk to Jake.”

“Fair. I guess we have a deal.” 

“I could drive to my place if I was in the driver’s seat.” 

“Yeah, we could. Why weren’t you sitting here anyway.” 

John shrugged, “Couldn’t reach the glove box.” John opened up the compartment and out spilled Dave’s mixtapes, a bunch of random rock and pop CD’s, and old, age-worn pictures of him with Dave, one with his family and one of him hugging his dad. 

John took out Dirk’s rap album and put it in. Then he noticed the pictures that had fallen on the floor. He smiled, “I guess he would be the first to tell me everything is going to be okay.”


End file.
